There have been lots of anti-endorsements thrown around here at TOBYWENE.com* in recent weeks. (So far, there are only recent weeks.) The two most loudly anti-endorsed are former Godfather’s Pizza CEO Herman Cain and that rich white dude with a poorly skinned squirrel stapled to his scalp that hosts The Apprentice. Whoa, spaced his name there for a second. Oh, of course! How could I forget! The man who puts his name on everything, Donald Trump.
There are a few candidates in the Republican field that are not particularly loved by TOBYWENE, but do not deserve a vehement anti-endorsement. One is Ron Paul. First off, there is not a snowball’s chance in hell he would receive the Republican nomination. Ron Paul is interesting to have in the field because he brings diversity and is less concerned with social conservatism and is more concerned with fiscal conservatism. I can appreciate many of Ron Paul’s ideas: Unfortunately, he would make a terrible president. If he weren’t, he would be a horrible disappointment to his libertarian base.
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Another candidate TOBYWENE cannot officially endorse at the present moment, but refuses to anti-endorse is Jon Huntsman, former Governor of Utah. I live in Utah. Jon Huntsman was a fantastic governor. Unfortunately, when Obama appointed Huntsman as an ambassador to China, we were left with Governor Gary Herbert, Huntsman’s polar opposite. (At least as much polar opposites as two in the same party can be.) If I could have it my way, Jon Huntsman would run for president, do very well but lose to Obama and return to Utah and be a fantastic governor here. (Dear Jon: Baby come back! You can blame it all on me… Do you have any idea how fucked up things have become here without you? Do you? Do you?! Can you possibly imagine the dystopian horrors that have arisen in your absence?)
Stay tuned for more anti-endorsements, non-anti-endorsements, and the like.
Your new best friend,
Toby Wene
*I know, I know. Right now, you’re probably looking at your web browser and saying, “What the fuck are you talking about, you crazy person! This is TobyWene.wordpress.com which is a far cry from the much shorter and much sweeter TobyWene.com. Well, stop being such player haters and listen here: I have purchased the domain name TOBYWENE.COM! Praise be to many mighty gods in many cloudy heavens! Soon, you will have to type less and save those fingers for video games or scooping the last bit of tapioca pudding from its container or some kinky sex act you are afraid of admitting to your mother and/or therapist.
Image via Wikipedia
UPDATE (5.14.11): A dear friend of mine has informed me of many of Paul’s more ridiculous stances. Soon, there will be a comprehensive list of anti-endorsed Paul policies.
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